Below is an except from Pat’s latest book, “Step by Step to Healing and Peace”:
Ability to Forgive Ourselves
After working with people for so many years, intensely every day with several of them, I’ve come across the thing I think is the biggest stumbling block and deterrent for folks to have peaceful happy lives: the ability to forgive ourselves.
It’s interesting to see how much it can deter folks from being at peace inside themselves. Forgiving others is something we all know we are supposed to do. We try to do that because we know that we are not perfect and they are not perfect. So, forgiving people, lets them off the hook. We know we are supposed to do that, but I think (for myself even) it was easier to forgive others than it was to forgive myself. I have done a lot of things in my life and do a lot of things in my life that I know aren’t right.
Forgiving myself quickly, doesn’t ever seem possible. It does take more time than forgiving others quickly. But I’ve noticed this huge fact and I think it’s important to teach it to as many people as we can. Forgiving yourself, letting yourself off the hook will set you free to live the days that you are in and the days that are coming. It keeps you from carrying around a bunch of baggage that you can’t do anything about.
One of the things we talked about is that there is really no eraser for the past. You can not change it. You can not fix it. It is there and it is part of your history. So, forgiving yourself helps you to move on and do a better job in the next day to come. I used to think if I didn’t forgive myself, that it would keep me from doing the same thing again. Not true. The truth is that when I forgave myself I started picking other choices.
The same was true for the lady I was working with yesterday. She has done some things with her family that she knew she was not supposed to have done. Mostly just throwing her anger at folks and hurting them with her anger. She never wants to do it again. When we talked about forgiving herself, she was afraid to forgive herself because she was afraid that if she ever said, ‘’Ok, I’m forgiving myself,” that she would not be able to stop herself the next time.
What I explained to her is there is a pile of junk that was left inside of her heart. She then forgave herself. She just got rid of it. She threw it in the trash. She even said, “I feel more kind to myself and therefore I am going to be able to be more kind to others.”
So, think about the things that you have done in your life that you are ashamed of or have regrets about. Just let it go. Forgive yourself. Walk into a new day not carrying the old baggage with you.